I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
You left your phone here
Wait...
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