We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
