Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
