Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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