So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
