you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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