I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
