i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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