Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
