There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
