Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
