you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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