Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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