guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
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all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
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You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
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