Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
you had me at cake vodka
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My dick has a subreddit
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
