Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
