Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
