A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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