Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
