did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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