my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
