I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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