you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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