i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
