dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
