i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
