if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
