What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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