planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
