If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
