your room smells of hookers.
And success
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
