I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize