If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
