So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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