He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
How drunk are you?
Completed.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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