people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I look better un-naked...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
