saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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