She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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