dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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