Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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