i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
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