Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
and she was petting her beer can
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
