She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
