Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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