wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize