I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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