Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
