i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
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I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
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Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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