He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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