The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
