i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize