he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
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It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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