I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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