Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
