My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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