I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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