After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
