3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
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