so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
