Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
COCAINE IS GR8
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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