I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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