I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I still have a little drunk in my system
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
