I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
