remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
