Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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