I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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