The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
