So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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