She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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