OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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