Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
