i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
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So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
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That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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