There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Randomize
