You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
