My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
