I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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