So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
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Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
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My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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