Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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