SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
