Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
