I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
