did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Best friends brother. Beat that.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
