After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
