Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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