i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
