The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I am available for nakedness
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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