She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
